Memories
by LyricsArePoetry
Summary: The Doctor calms the Master down on a day the drums are especially bad.  Doctor/Master


**A/N: Doctor/Master slash – yeah it's becoming an obsession *looks pointedly at Paula and Voldy* which is completely not my fault. Written between 11:30pm and 1:45am and basically just started as something to write when I was annoyed. Has anyone else noticed how amazingly easy it is to write the Master while annoyed? Anyway, please R&R, title is rubbish because it's 1:45am, I'm tired and can't think of anything better.**

**Carly. x**

* * *

><p><strong>Memories<strong>

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

The Master was sat on the floor, back against the wall, knees pulled up. His head was lowered, hiding the furious, vulnerable tears which lined his eyes. He had his hands gripping almost too tightly on his hair, it was beginning to hurt but that pain was nothing. Nothing compared to the drumming.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

It made him want to claw his head open to find a way to stop it.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

He was shaking, he knew he was but it was a fact which only registered in some small part of the back of his mind. Subconsciously his foot began tapping along.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

He steadily became more and more tense, tightening his grip on his hair as he did so; an attempt to control his anger, control the insanity.

That was how the Doctor found him. Automatically the younger Time Lord crouched down beside his oldest friend and best enemy. "Master?" he said softly, placing a gently hand on the Master's knee.

The Master's head jerked up quickly, pure fear written on his face. He looked directly at the Doctor, not seeming to see him there. His eyes were glassy from the pain filled tears which still lined them. He blinked, a stray tear escaping down his cheek. "Doctor?" he struggled with the name. Struggled to stop himself calling on his Theta to help him.

He did stop himself though, he was the Master, he was powerful, he was _strong, _he wasn't Koschei anymore and Theta wasn't his sweet best friend who would do anything for him. He was the Doctor, the only other Time Lord in existence, the one who had destroyed their home "Don't touch me" he spat, pulling his knee away from the Doctor's touch. He finally let go of his hair, his hands red from such a tight grip. He jumped to his feet and started out of the room.

"Koschei?" the Doctor said quietly. The Master hovered by the doorway momentarily before looking back "It's ok to be scared."

"I know" he replied automatically, his voice soft and depicting all the fear and pain he was feeling. He pulled himself together, refusing to reach the Doctor's level, refusing to be weak "But I'm not scared, you're the scared on." Before walking out.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

The sound followed him as he walked aimlessly through the TARDIS.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

It wasn't normally this bad, normally he was able to talk little notice of it, normally it was bearable.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

Today it wasn't. Today it was right there in the front of his mind, today he was barely even concentrate on thoughts.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

He felt like his mind was going to explode.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

Like the drumming was a countdown, getting faster and more urgent the closer the bomb he was sure was in his mind came close to exploding.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

He wasn't sure how long he could cope with it.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

He considering sticking knives through his hearts just to stop it. If his hearts stopped beating the drumming would have to stop. It wouldn't be able to continue.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

"Master…" the Doctor's voice came from behind him, quickly followed by a gentle hand on his shoulder.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

The Master pulled away from his touch, somewhat paranoidly. He spun around to face to Doctor, staring at him the way an arachnophobe stares at a spider.

"Let me help" the Doctor said.

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

"You can't! You can't! No one can!" the Master giggled crazily. "Nothing and no one can help. It won't go away. I don't want it to go away. It's who I am. It's what I am. It's _meeeee. _You wouldn't take me away from me, would you? Nooooooo! 'Cause I am the drums, the drums are me" The Master fell quiet suddenly

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

His expression softened. He spoke the words he swore to himself when he left Gallifrey that he would never speak again "Theta, please help me" the pain was clear in his voice. He began tapping on the nearest wall-

_Taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap, taptaptaptap._

-before thumping it in pure annoyance. "The drums" he spat through gritted teeth, "it hurts."

"Come here" the Doctor said, beckoning the Master forward. The Master hesitated before taking a couple of steps towards the Doctor. "Stay calm."

The Master was anything but calm, he remained tense. Anger and pain had proven a deadly mix in the Master before, but right now vulnerability overrode both those emotions. He flinched slightly as the Doctor's cold hands placed themselves gently against the side of his head.

"_It won't make it go away_" The Doctor said through the mental channel he had created between his mind and the Master's "_but it should help._"

He fed through what, for him, were relaxing comforting images. Images of him and the Master – when he was Koschei – on Gallifrey. Images of them racing through the red grass; play fighting; studying; walking. Images of them they first realised their feelings for each other went beyond friendship. Images of their lives before they fled Gallifrey, before they lived their lives running from everything and everyone.

The Doctor was proven right, it didn't make the drumming go away but it did help. The sound was less deafening, slightly less painful, the Master was able to focus on the images rather than the drums.

"_Why are you showing me this?" _He asked through the connection.

"_Because I never forgot_" the Doctor replied. "_I never stopped loving you._"

"_I'm not that person anymore. I am the Master. Not Koschei. Just like you're not Theta, you're the Doctor._" The Master pointed out, "_Anything we had is dead and buried with Gallifrey. No, it was dead and buried long before that. It was dead as soon as you took the title the Doctor and it was buried when you left Gallifrey without me._"

"_You didn't want to come._" The Doctor whispered, his mental voice regretful. "_I hoped you would, I wanted you to, but you didn't. It was your choice to leave later._"

"_I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't even know who I was at the time, I was trying to hold on to Koschei while start being the Master. I was _scared." The Master explained. "_But you, you were so sure. You weren't Theta anymore. You were the Doctor. And the Doctor was leaving Gallifrey behind, leaving me behind_"

"_I'm sorry_"

"_It doesn't matter._" The Master told him, "_Like I said, any feelings we had for each other are dead and buried._"

"I don't believe that" The Doctor replied aloud, breaking the connection, but keeping his hands on the Master. He kissed him.

And after a moment the Master kissed back.


End file.
